Exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

By Allison Westmoore, LMSW | August 26th, 2026

Ethical Non-Monogamy, known as ENM for short, is the practice of being romantically involved

with multiple people, all of whom are aware and consent to this relationship structure. Beyond

that general concept, ENM relationships are unique, and there are many different structures and

types of ENM relationships. Here are some commonly used terms used to describe different

ENM structures and types:

• A) Hierarchical: This term means that while someone might have romantic connections and

  relationships with more than one partner, one relationship is prioritized over the others. It

  is important to establish clear boundaries and expectations from the beginning if pursuing

  this style of ENM to help manage/balance emotional investments and ensure that all

  partners feel valued.

• B) Kitchen Table: This style of ENM puts a strong emphasis on family style closeness and

  support between all partners and metamours (term meaning your partner’s partners). The

  degree of closeness can vary, but typically this means all partners and metamours are

  aware of each other, have met before, and even spend time around another (but not in the

  sense of a romantic relationship apart from those that are committed in that way).

• C) Parallel: In this style of ENM, all relationships function independently from one another.

  The other partners might be aware of each other's existence, but beyond that there is not

  any overall connection between partners and metamours.

• D) Closed V: In a closed V structure of ENM, one person (known as the hinge in this

  structure) has two partners themselves, but their partners are not involved with each

  other.

• E) Throuple/Triad: In a throuple/triad structure, three people are in a romantic relationship

  with each other where all partners are equally involved with each other. This structure

  where multiple people are all in a relationship, can exist with more than three partners.

  For example, four partners all invested equally with each other is called a quad structure.

• F) Swinging: In swinging, couples will often consider sexual reactions with people other

  than their primary partner as “outside encounters” or “shared recreational experiences”.

  These encounters typically are not romantically charged and often occur in social settings

  like swinger clubs, parties, or private groups. There are also different levels of swinging

  such as soft swaps, where oral sex or touching may be allowed but nothing penetrative, or

  full swaps. Open dialogue about expectations and boundaries beforehand is very

  important.

Things to prioritize while practicing Non-ethical Monogamy:

• Exploring wants and needs

• Exploring what you exactly want/need out of a relationship independently of any

  other partners’ wants/needs is helpful so that you have a foundation to build

  relationships on and can advocate for what you need.

• Addressing insecurity and jealousy

• Jealousy and insecurity can be a part of all types of relationships, even platonic

  ones. It is important to be able to be honest and open with partners about any

  jealousy or insecurities that arise in the moment so that the underlying causes can

  be explored and addressed. If these feelings are ignored and not addressed, they

  can lead to future conflict and possible resentments in the relationship.

• Open and honest communication

• Open and honest communication is essential to ensuring that all partners’ needs

  are met, boundaries are being followed, any concerns are being addressed, and so

  that everyone is on the same page.

• Establishing clear boundaries and expectations

• It is important to set clear and direct expectations and boundaries with partners.

  This is especially important in the beginning of practicing ENM or opening a

  previously monogamous relationship. Some examples of topics to explore setting

  boundaries around include: physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,

  communication, time and availability, existing commitments, privacy, etc.

• Regular check ins

• As time moves on and relationships escalate, need/wants and potential boundaries

  might shift. This is why it is important to have regular check-ins with your

  partner(s) to make sure everyone feels fulfilled and is on the same page.

Wrap-Up:

Ethical non-monogamy offers a multitude of ways to build meaningful connections and

relationships. It caters to the diverse needs and wants of partners and provides a way for people

to experience the connection they need and discover new dimensions of love and connection that

may have been previously unattainable.