Parenting While Neurodivergent: The Importance of Creating Systems

By Allison Westmoore, LMSW | August 05, 2025

Accepting your Neurodivergence

Parenthood is complex and a rollercoaster ride for EVERYONE, but adding in being neurodivergent can bring its own quirks and challenges. I found that I was able to cope with most of my anxiety and ADHD symptoms pretty well until I had my four children. Then I was overstimulated, overwhelmed, and couldn't make sense of a world that I previously thrived in.

Making the realization and accepting that your neurodivergence affects your parenting, whether good or bad, is hard. You are already in the thick of trying to balance your own mental and physical health, daily living, work responsibilities, and now adding parenting responsibilities and making sure your children thrive does not make coping easier. What can though? Besides general mental health care, which can include therapy, medication, or a combination of both, what other changes can you incorporate into your daily living to make things easier?

After doing some self-reflection while in the thick of raising twins and two other children, I decided to lean on what allowed me to function under the radar of getting an ADHD diagnosis until my 20s – creating systems.

Process of Creating Systems

What exactly do I mean by creating symptoms? Well, it involves a lot of inner self-reflection. You can start by asking yourself some questions:

1) What are some things that I wish were easier?

2) What are some things that I see other people I know NOT struggle with?

3) What are some things that make me think, “Why does this have to be so hard?”

Some things for me that I struggled with were meal planning and making sure the household had what it needed to function. Thinking about planning meals or coming up with a list for the grocery store would send me down a spiral that would then lead to task paralysis a lot of the time. This meant I was anxious about having to complete the tasks, but also could not get up the motivation or drive to actually do them. That alone would cause me to doubt my ability to be a good partner or mother. I knew I needed to find a solution.

After you do some inner reflection and are able to identify some things that you want to focus on, it is important to consider your strengths. Our neurodivergence may lead us to process information and the world differently, but that is not always a bad thing. Think about how you process the world best and use that as your advantage to create your systems.

For instance, I am a planner. Having things planned out in advance helps me to better feel supported and confident in the world. I am also a very visual learner. I like to get things written down in some way, both so I can visualize it better, but also so it is out of my head and is not there for me to hyperfocus on or become anxious about it.

Taking those things into consideration, explore some ways that you can use your strengths and how you process the world, to create a way to make your world more adaptable for you. Going back to the example I gave earlier, I developed a system a few years ago that helped me better tackle meal planning/shopping. I bought two dry-erase boards that I place on the inside of a cabinet in my kitchen (at one point, I also had these on the fridge). I have broken one dry-erase board into seven sections – one for each day of the week. This is where I would plan out what would be dinner each day, a week in advance. To me, a week in advance is attainable, but a month is too far. The other dry-erase board is devoted to things that need to be purchased for the house. Having it in the kitchen is vital for me as it allows me to immediately write down things that we run out of IN THE MOMENT. This took out the pressure of having to remember everything. Once I buy the item, I just erase it. It is a running list that is updated daily, not only by me, but by other members of the household, which also takes some pressure off of me. I also added a section of things we are running low on, which covers things that can sneak up on you and get overlooked, like diapers or laundry detergent.

Once you start implementing systems, work up to it and remember that if it is not working, adjust it. Make the system work FOR YOU. You can always adjust it to your and your family's needs as you grow and change over time.

Getting Started

To help you get started, here are some other systems that have helped me personally:

1) Having a large calendar on the wall in a common area of the house. I am talking desktop size. That way, there is room to put events, school information, kid

activities, appointments, and more for the whole household to see and update. You can even color-code it by person or customize it to your needs.

2) Using WallPops when needed. WallPops are a great invention. Basically, they adhere to walls using adhesive that does not take off paint or damage the wall, which makes them movable and renter safe. Most are dry-erase and come in different formats like calendars, to-do lists, bulletin boards, cork boards, etc. You can find these on the Wall Pop website, Amazon, or stores like Michaels and Staples. I find these are very helpful to use for kids as well to help teach them routines and systems.

3) Creating “homes” for items. What I mean by this is having designated places where things always go. One thing that has been really helpful for me is having a “drop zone” for things that you have when you arrive home, but will need again when you leave the house next. For parents, this could mean a place for keys, bags, wallets, diaper bags, etc. For kids, it could mean creating a space for their school backpack. I have found that Command Hooks (the heavy-duty ones) work well for backpacks and are renter safe. Command hooks can also be used for other things, like holding mops, pictures, wall decor, etc. Command also makes Velcro picture strips, which I have found to be helpful for creating a room for a remote, especially if you want to keep it out of the hands of little kids, but also create a home for it where it does not get misplaced by older members of the house. You can find Command items from most retail shops and online.

Having systems can help not only take the pressure off yourself, but also help you teach these skills to your children. It is important to remember that we have the ability to make the world work better for us. We do not always have to change ourselves to fit the world.