Celebrating Wherever You’re At in Your Visibility Journey

By Dylan Wilder Quinn, MSW Student | March 31st, 2026

Image by FreePik

Today is Trans Day of Visibility, and it can bring up many strong emotions. I told my partner last week, “I don’t want to hear again about all the trans people who have been killed. It hurts too much.” My cisgender partner gently reminded me that March 31 st is a day to celebrate visibility, not a vigil for our murdered loved ones (thank goodness for good allies, right?). While I am deeply grateful for Trans Day of Remembrance (usually around November 20) and Trans Day of Visibility, my mistake really shows how much my body, thoughts, and feelings immediately go to dreading days when we remember how dangerous it is to be transgender. 

Reflecting on visibility and celebrating the many beautiful ways to exist as a transgender person in our world, I think about how much visibility has both greatly helped our community and also hurt us. I finally felt comfortable exploring my own gender identity after a friend came out to me as nonbinary. When I feel more isolated in a small town in Northern AZ without many out transgender people, it’s transgender influencers that connect me with healthy expressions of masculinity, reminders that trans people are deeply loved, and a celebration of transgender people, art, and activism that fill me with pride in who I am. I danced recently in a class that had another out transgender person, and I was filled with tears of joy and instantly gained a new sibling. These experiences are so deeply special and would be impossible without visibility.

At the same time, increased visibility has brought loud criticism of us, which has led to violence against us, hateful comments, and efforts to fundraise and lobby against transgender rights. Many clients I speak with who are over 70 say this is one of the hardest times they've experienced as transgender or intersex people because now we are noticed. That hits me hard. It also makes me feel that my clients and I do not need to be surprised or ashamed as we find ourselves struggling to cope. You are not alone.

No matter where you are in your visibility journey (all of it is welcome!), resilience around the big feelings is a must. Here are some of my favorite go-tos when things are hard:

Remember our Ancestors

For the last thousands of years, many gender-diverse people have existed across the world, and many of them were celebrated and sacred in their communities, especially before colonialism. Take some time this Transgender Day of Visibility to celebrate and learn about our people, and feel all the ancestors that have existed before us. Badly Licked Bear has created an incredible map.

Bonus: if it jives with your beliefs, you can feel in your own body that these ancestors love you and want you to thrive. Double bonus if you spend some time feeling that you are also going to be a transgender person’s ancestor one day, and that you deeply matter.

You can also spend some time learning about specific gender-expansive ancestors, such as Stormé DeLarverie, We’wha, Silvia Rae Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, and Lou Sullivan.

Make Sure to Feel the Good Feelings, too:

This can look like:

o   Really letting joy seep deep into my bones when I meet another transgender person or see beautiful transgender art online (Kent Monkman’s and this song from Figgy Baby are some of my favorites right now)

o   Letting relief flood my body when a person expresses love for transgender people in any way

o   Seeking out the good feelings: sometimes we need to actively do this when there is so much anti-trans news out there. I’ll ask a friend to share why they love being transgender, or I’ll search online for transgender people that are thriving. I’ll let the feelings of happiness and wholeness deeply rest in my body.

If you’re interested in learning more about this, ask your therapist about neuroplasticity or read about it from Dr. Rick Hanson.

Build up my protective voice inside when I’m being too hard on myself

Some of us might not be out to anyone, and that’s OK. Coming out to ourselves, even, is a big deal and takes a lot of courage and effort. But on days like Trans Day of Visibility, or National Coming Out Day (usually around October 11), we can be very judgmental of ourselves for "not being out and visible enough” or compare ourselves to other gender-diverse people—such as where they are in their journey, how their body looks, or how they express themselves. Take some time this TDOV to gently, lovingly ask those thoughts inside you to take a break! These thoughts are usually trying to protect you, but they use outdated methods that are not very kind or helpful. 

In addition to asking those harsh, self-critical thoughts to take a little break, I also create my “Inner Protector” or a protective voice. I imagine a kind but tough little kid who stands up to bullies and lives inside me just to shield me when I’m being hard on myself. When I tell myself I’m not trans enough, out enough, lovable, or attractive, or doing enough to make the world better, that tough kid says, “Hey! Time to be nicer to yourself! You wouldn’t say it that way to anyone else!” My little anti-bullying kiddo is definitely a cool kid from the 90s who says cheesy things like, “Cool your jets!” and “Take a chill pill!” It helps me feel a little sillier for being hard on myself and lightens the mood. 

If you’re interested in learning more, ask your therapist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Parts work. I recommend No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. Or if you’re more in the mood to veg out on a good movie, Inside Out 2 can be a great introduction to exploring the different thoughts and feelings inside us as fun little characters with a little more power than we sometimes would like.

Ramp up the self-love

Just your existence is an act of self-love. So, on the days you feel like you’re not enough, scared to come out, or unable to get up to shower, increase your self-love and understanding. If you are gender-expansive in any way and you're struggling with anxiety and depression right now, it's because your body is naturally reacting to real stressors. So love on yourself even when, and especially when, you are having a hard time.

Claim self-love as the sweet, nurturing act that it is, and an act of resistance in a world that does not always want you to feel love.

For you, that might mean prioritizing spending time with friends, listening to your favorite music, giving yourself a self-massage, or jumping into a lake. Whatever comforts you, do it! You are lovable!